literature

You've played too much AC when

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Literature Text

You know you've played too much Assassin's Creed when…

1. You wake up in the morning and search for any button to press to get back into the Animus.

2. Then you double-check for any hallucinations longer than 30 seconds.

3. After that you try to search for a button to press to get back to bed.

4. You're actually surprised to see your whole face in the mirror.

5. You've obtained a white hoodie to resemble Altair/Ezio a bit more.

6. You have bothered a friend with a white hoodie with fan-squeals.

7. You were actually bothered when any non-Altair-ish or non-Ezio-ish hair were sticking out of the hood (after you forced said friend to pull that hood on).

8. Your view of buildings now contains a quick search for any ledges, balconies, bricks and generally stuff to hold on while climbing.

9. You have actually tried climbing a building (results shall be mercifully ignored).

10. You sneer derisively when you see someone use a ladder (what a loser).

11. You search for haystacks, wells and benches when you see policemen.

12. You are put off by the absence of haystacks in 21st century cities.

13. You have tried to sit down between two strangers when you saw a policeman.

14. You have tried to blend into a group of strangers (and were surprised that they did not just ignore you and let you stand in the middle of their group).

15. You have tried to blend into a group of monks, and were surprised that they did not move as you wished.

16. You automatically look around for viewpoints when you hear/see a bird of prey.

17. You search for the button combination for Stealth Kill when you see people you hate.

18. You run around asking people if they don't need a letter delivered, someone killed or to be escorted to the city gate.

19. You have taken someone's mail just to check for any Templar-related indicia.

20. You have delivered the stolen mail to the addressee, wondering why they weren't happy/why they did not pay you for a successful mission.

21. You have tried obtaining an assassination mission by catching pigeons (and/or assassinated said pigeons instead, because they did not cooperate).

22. You have started coding everything you write down, homework included. No one knows when Templars might strike.

23. You have quit a class because the teacher was suspiciously interested in you and might be a Templar.

24. You have started a class because the teacher is suspicious and might be a Templar.

25. You have followed said teacher in case he or she will lead you to more Templars.

26. You were disappointed when you learned that said teacher does not live in anything that remotely resembles Abstergo.

27. You search for an Apple of Eden on any picture, painting or photograph you get your hands on.

28. You cut out pictures from newspaper and/or books in an attempt to reorganize them and unlock memories.

29. You have actually used the excuse of a 'memory locked' or 'area not available during the current memory' when you were late or forgot something.

30. You have tried to develop Eagle Vision.

31. You have tried to paint mysterious symbols in blood over your walls to see whether they would shine (and after you were falsely accused of being a Satanist, you started wondering whether the accusers aren't secretly Templars).

32. You have spent all your/everyone's savings on a special UV lamp that can make some marks shine… then threw it out because it was non-Assassin-like.

33. You wake up at night, happy that you finally got the hang on the Eagle Vision, just to realize they are the fluorescent stars your Dad painted on your ceiling when you were five (and still too young to understand the true Assassin meaning).

34. You have spent half the night wondering about that true Assassin meaning.

35. You sneak around the house/school/streets just to see how stealthy you can be (and you are determined to get the hang on that standing on the railing thing, no matter how many more bruises you'll get).

36. You have actually tried curing a broken bone (most probably attained somewhere during No. 9 or 35) with smelling salt.

37. You have tried using the Apple of Eden powers on people.

38. You have tried using a normal apple for that purpose.

39. You argued with your history teacher on the subject of Templars. You have to know something about them, damn it, considering how many you have assassinated.

40. Your English teacher has pointed out that you have developed a distinct Arabic/Italian accent you have never used before.

41. You use the word 'Templar' as the worst insult ever (despite how fruitful and rich your vocabulary was before/is now).

42. You consider old, white-haired and bearded men suspicious (especially those in dark clothes). Al Mualim was old and bearded, and look where it got us.

43. You shiver in horror when your own grandfather offers you an apple.

44. You have walked into a textile store/clothes store and tried to ask them to dye your current clothes to Tuscan Ochre.

45. You have walked into an art store and asked for 'Treasure Maps' or your hometown.

46. You walked into a travel agency and asked how much it will cost to 'teleport' you to Florence/Rome/Venezia/anywhere else (and wondered what mission you had to accomplish first to unlock this option).

47. You have thrown small coins all around you when you saw a street musician (and were surprised that the whole street did NOT gather to pick them up).

48. You are uncomfortable when someone stares at you for too long and try to become invisible by blending (either using a Scholar stance or merging into a group as mentioned in No. 13-15).

49. Your friends have started to wonder about that strange movement of a wrist/hand you have lately acquired (no use explaining Hidden Blade to non-Assassins, is there…).

50. You have actually pondered the merits of removing a ringfinger.

51. You have considered trying a Leap of Faith when you are next at the pool/you have performed a Leap of Faith at the local pool.

52. You randomly accuse organizations of being Templar-related on the Internet – you might get it right one day, after all, and then the Assassins will take you in. Happened once, can happen twice, right?

53. You have tried shifting, pushing and pulling ornaments in all the churches in your hometown in case one of them was hiding an Assassin's tomb (you have wondered about canalization, related to the subject of tombs).

54. 'Use Eagle Vision' is considered a valid answer as far as you're concerned when someone asks you if you have not seen some of their stuff.

55. You have saved someone from getting robbed or abused… and then wondered where were the Scholars and Vigilantes.

56. You have stated 'Leader of an Assassin Bureau' as your lifetime ambition.

57. You have stated 'Assassin' as your current occupation, qualification, religion, political view and/or marital status.

58. You have checked the self-created square named 'Assassin' in elections.

59. You have actually asked your parents whether any of your ancestors were Assassins (or at least tried to find interesting sudden death info/some other clues).

60. Your next choice of vacation will be one of the cities that appeared in the game. Because you know your way around already.
Inspired by some things that really happened to me, and I started wondering "Am I playing too much Assassin's Creed?" ^^; (namely 6, 7, 8, 16, 33 and 40 XD). Has any of this actually happened to you? Or anything else AC related?



Related to both I and II.
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Atlantima's avatar
"'Use Eagle Vision' is considered a valid answer as far as you're concerned when someone asks you if you have not seen some of their stuff."

Aw, I gotta remember to start using that one.